• The Cat in the Black SEO Hat

    The Cat in the Black SEO Hat

    Our rankings have tanked. We must find a way. To optimize our site For the upcoming holidays. I sat with my CMO We sat there, us both And I said, “How I wish our organic traffic Would show us some growth.” Few people visited, conversions were scarce We were both quite appalled. We stared at […]

  • Penguin 4

    5 Reasons Why Google Penguin Hasn’t Launched Today [EXCLUSIVE!]

    Breaking news straight outta the Googleplex. No Google Penguin 4.0 update today. Here are five reasons why. 1. Zika Virus “Due to concerns over the Zika virus, Google Penguin will not be launching today,” according to a Google spokesperson. The Zika virus has reportedly spread to 61 domains where Google operates. “This was not an easy […]

  • 13 Quick SEO Tips For Starting Your Own Blog

    It’s June, which means many wannabe bloggers everywhere are heading to GoDaddy to find a domain, start a blog, and become an expert. (What?! – Editor) Here are some tips to make sure your blog is way less more successful than WTFSEO! 1. Rarely Post New Posts It’s about quality, not quantity. It’s a huge […]

  • The Ultimate Relationship Building Link Profile Test

    As an above-average SEO, you know links are the most important thing in the world. Except, you also know that relationships are the new backlink, according to some SEO gurus, thus making relationships even more importanter (you goddamned millennials and your slang – Ed). So if the best links come from the best relationships, then […]

  • Popular

    Search Images: Magnifying Glasses, Binoculars & Fingers!

    In this week’s installment of Search Images, here are the latest images pulled from Google Images, showing magnifying glasses, some creepy dude with binoculars, a finger, and more. Some obese stick figure with a magnifying glass: Hey look, another magnifying glass, and this one features the word “search” in Google’s colors: Fancy! Search, as spelled with keyboard letters: […]

  • What is Google RankBrain?

    Since Google announced RankBrain late last year, the SEO industry has pretty much lost its mind. A barrage of articles, blog posts, and infographics all have promised to properly explain Google’s machine learning system. Yet none really have. If you’re still struggling to understand RankBrain, you aren’t alone. But there’s good news: you now have […]

  • SEOs, Google & Open Letters: The Clustérfuck à Trois

    On Friday, a millennial completely eviscerated another millennial for ripping into another millennial – Google! It’s, as the French call it, a clustérfuck à trois. It all started when a millennial SEO wrote a long rant, ironically on Medium, about the lack of traffic that self-involved millennial Google is sending his way. A few hours later […]

  • Google Completely Freaks Out on Young Child After Being Asked ‘What Time Is The Super Bowl?’

    A guy I know on my darts team, who knows a guy whose sister knows a guy, today confirmed that as a result of their foray into improving the speed and relevance of their search engine, Google’s experiments with embedding an emotion subroutine in the core algorithm has had unintended consequences. The search engine reportedly had a full emotional meltdown […]

  • Today’s Google Doodle Celebrates Our Latest Attempt To Inflate Pageviews

    Today’s Google Doodle honors [a man or woman who was born on this date quite a few years ago] [a noteworthy event] [the anniversary of a noteworthy event] [a big holiday]! Hundreds of other publications are going to write about today’s logo, which is officially known as a Google Doodle, even though there is probably much […]