Category: rampant speculation

  • Seven SEO Trends We Watched in 2017

    The year is coming to an end, and that means it’s time for our competitors to write their 2018 prediction posts and talk about Trends They Expect To See in 2018. After our company holiday party however, we decided against adding to the rampant speculation and instead decided to attempt to remember focus on the […]

  • Reading Content Out Loud Improves Google Rankings

    SEO is hard and SEOs are always looking for a new way to rank. Good news for you, we’ve uncovered a new ranking factor. And it comes directly from Google itself. Google’s own Gary Ilyes told us recently on Twitter, and SEroundtable covered: “DYK if you read out loud the text on your page and […]

  • SEO Chatter: Algorithm Update?

    Some guy on twitter we’re not following noticed that several of his keywords moved from page 7 – where they got 0 clicks – to page 4 – where they still send 0 clicks. Is this a major ranking algorithm update? We reached out to Google to demand that they provide us with a change log […]

  • Exclusive: AMP on the way out

    Accelerated Mobile Pages (aka AMP) became a hot trend in 2016 thanks to Google support as well as a level of SEO expertise not seen since the launch of RankBrain. However, we’ve learned (don’t ask us how, we just know….. We’re SEOs) AMP’s heyday is about to end. Like a dog seeing a squirrel, it […]

  • Introducing Google Dreamsense

    When we last snuck into the Googleplex for lunch we noticed a very interesting whiteboard. It was titled “when don’t people search?” and there were various items listed. Next to “walking around” it had “google glass” written. Next to “driving” it had “autonomous car.” Next to “pooping” was a Google pixel. Next to “my parents” […]

  • GoogleBot On Tinder

    What If Crawlers Were on Tinder?

    After the success of our last viral piece “What if Crawlers were Trees?”*, we’ve decided to beat the corpse of that particular deceased equine and return to the scene of the crime with yet another “What if Crawlers…” post.  So batten down your hatches, gird your loins, put the kids to bed, rub some…(get on […]

  • Penguin 4

    5 Reasons Why Google Penguin Hasn’t Launched Today [EXCLUSIVE!]

    Breaking news straight outta the Googleplex. No Google Penguin 4.0 update today. Here are five reasons why. 1. Zika Virus “Due to concerns over the Zika virus, Google Penguin will not be launching today,” according to a Google spokesperson. The Zika virus has reportedly spread to 61 domains where Google operates. “This was not an easy […]

  • Lizard People

    Google’s Reptile Disfunction

    Our woman at Google let slip that there’s a huge issue over at the ‘plex that they’re powerless to deal with.  Ever since Seinfeld let slip that Mark Zuckerberg was a lizard person (which he denied, but as we all know, only a lizard person would deny that they’re a lizard person), Google has been […]

  • Google Reverses Course – Now Offers Algorithmic SEO Certification

    WTFSEO EXCLUSIVE:  Google* has just offered up an alternative to disappointed SEO Experts who have been longing for the search engine giant to issue certifications to those desperately in need of thought leadership recognition.  After first declaring that Google “has no plans” to develop an SEO certification course program, this latest move is seen as […]