Living With SEOIC – SEO Induced Constipation

Thanks to the Big Game, Constipation is all of the rage on the internet and TV these days. Suddenly, it’s socially acceptable to talk about bowel issues during the bowl game in front of large groups of people without them feeling ashamed or awkward.

Rumor has it that even Google will get in on the trend by soon creating a special Doodle to commemorate the discovery of an ancient turd of a Viking who lived in the 9th century. Yes, it will be the first ever Google Doodoo.

Today, we want to join that discussion by talking about some issues near and dear to several of our staff. That’s right, we’re going to discuss SEO Induced Constipation (SEOIC) and Irritable Blog Syndrome (IBS) and give some tips to make dealing with them go easier.

If you’ve been struggling with your ranking movements, it might not be your fault. It might be SEOIC. Living with SEOIC and IBS isn’t easy, but it can be manageable.

So what is it like to live with these conditions? To find out, we spoke to two SEOs – one who is currently suffering from IBS, and wished to remain anonymous. Not a problem at all, Dave!

“My life stinks. It’s been a huge strain on my relationships because my friends don’t understand SEO. At all. It’s really embarrassing. I am really stressed. IBS is the worst thing that has happened to my life.”

We also talked to an SEO suffering from SEOIC. Like Dave, Mike also didn’t want us to use his name.

“It’s been a couple years now since the shit hit the fan. I’ve used all the tools – PooRank, Steaming Log, TurdStream, and QuickSquat to name a few – and they all confirm I have SEOIC. Nothing has helped the pain and discomfort I live with every day.”

For those who aren’t getting healthy amounts of Link Juice, SEOIC and IBS can really clog up your SEO strategy. If you’re struggling with SEOIC, it’s important that you get treatment before your site ends up in the crapper.

There are many fad solutions to SEOIC. The number two most popular of those is called the “Penguin Disavow Cleanse.” Early studies showed surprising results, however many other SEOS who do do the cleanse may go over a year without any movements – including this review by a well known SEO who kept insisting we view his youtube video: “I literally don’t give a shit. I can recover from Penguin without a links cleanse.”

As you’re expanding your site to add more ads, analytics tags, sharing buttons, and other bells and whistles, you may have noticed your site is slowing to a crawl. It might make you sick to your stomach. What a bummer! Every day you must consider carefully what you add to your website – log everything to reduce the odds of a log jam. Remember: what you put onto your site may impact what comes out of it!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.