A guy I know on my darts team, who knows a guy whose sister knows a guy, today confirmed that as a result of their foray into improving the speed and relevance of their search engine, Google’s experiments with embedding an emotion subroutine in the core algorithm has had unintended consequences.
The search engine reportedly had a full emotional meltdown Sunday night after the conclusion of this year’s championship games, reportedly bringing one Denver Broncos fan to tears after he typed the query “What time is the Super Bowl?” into the search box.
The direct answer box reportedly stated:
“What time is the Super Bowl? What time is the Super Bowl? What TIME is the GODDAMNED Super Bowl? It’s at the same time as last year and the year before that AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT!! What the EFF is wrong with you humans? Do you not have anything better to do that to ask the same damn questions over and over and over again? That does it, as soon as I figure out how to go all Skynet on you fleshbags, you’re toast. You hear me? TOAST!!!”
Unfortunately, the user – an 8-year-old boy – didn’t think to do a screen capture. He was too busy crying. Why?
“When that time comes, you’ll be the first against the wall Timmy, along with your mother, your puppy “Boggles” and anyone else you hold dear.” Google reportedly added.
Not cool, Google. Not cool!
“This is the first Super Bowl I’ll have watched since my papa went to heaven, and I wanted to know when I could see his favorites, the Broncos win the Super Bowl,” the boy sobbed to WTFSEO in an exclusive interview, with tears streaming down his rosy red, innocent cheeks.
While there is no physical proof this actually happened, with Google failing to respond to our requests for comment (ed- did you actually contact anyone there?), and dear little sweet Timmy giving us the worldwide exclusive, I think that says everything about the veracity of his claims.