According to the National Retail Federation, Mother’s Day is the third biggest holiday of the year in terms of spend among U.S. consumers. [ed note: according to your editor it’s a trending topic, so please get this article done and somehow make it relevant to SEO by Friday]
And for good reason: She didn’t drink chardonnay for 40 weeks solely for your benefit.
So while you waffle between getting her a Beowulf audiobook and a purse sword, we asked your mom to compile her best SEO tips.
Top 10 SEO Tips From Your Mom
And, as you might expect, she didn’t disappoint:
1. Always be polite when link-building.
After all, you never know when you may need a link from someone else with an authoritative domain. I hear it’s about quality, not quantity these days – and, it’s like I’ve always said: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Also: Never, ever accept links from strangers. I taught you better than that.
2. Consider user intent.
Despite that class I took at the community college when you were in high school, I admit I may not know everything about computers. For instance: Who is this person? Every time I search for “my child,” she shows up in Google Images instead of you. Can you fix that? That’s what you do right?
3. And while we’re at it: Please post vacation updates in a way that I can see them.
Restricting your Facebook posts only means that when I know you’re on vacation and don’t see any photos or check-ins from you, I have to assume you’re dead or were kidnapped and are being held for ransom. So be prepared for a well-being check from the local constabulary whenever they see fit.
4. Wear clean underwear when optimizing. And for every other moment of your life forever more.
Not only will it prevent embarrassment if you get hit by a bus and end up having to explain to an emergency room doctor that you didn’t listen to me, the comfort will help you feel good about yourself when on the phone with your idiot project manager. Speaking of which, did you ask for a raise? How did that go? I really can’t see why they WOULDN’T give you a raise. You work so hard. But tell me you’re not working too hard. You have to take care of yourself, too. [ed note: we don’t care what type of underwear you wear, we’re still not paying you. Nice try though.]
5. Listen to your gut.
If you, my darling, suspect Google has done something funny with that algorithm again, you’re probably right. I know you’re so good at your job and such a precious unique snowflake unicorn that anytime your rankings decrease, it must be somebody else’s fault not yours – so keep using that method to detect Google updates.
6. This, too, shall pass.
Were you negatively impacted by one of those mean updates? Everyone is at one point or another, sweetheart. Just remember: Anything worth having is worth working for. And that includes page 1 rankings.
7. Do unto others…
Please keep that in mind the next time you’re thinking about stealing competitors’ keywords. That is the last I will say about that.
8. Marry the richest person you can stand. And then you can do SEO because you love it – not just for the paycheck.
We should all be so lucky to find fulfillment at both work and at home. But I will say this: Money may not buy happiness, but it can sure make life less stressful. And I’d like to see some grandkids before I die.
A bonus: In terms of both relationships and SEO, they say content is king, but distribution is queen – and she wears the pants. Remember that.
9. Ranking for “you never call” may be tough now.
You didn’t think your old lady would be savvy enough to know things like that, did you? Well…one of the women I play mah jongg with has a grandson who visited recently and he helped us start WordPresses where we can channel our angst about our ungrateful children. And would you believe it? I think you and I might have SEO in our blood because now I’m ranking for all of my favorite guilt-based terms:
- “This is your mother: do you remember me?”
- “You know how I worry.”
- “List of neighbors you don’t remember who died (or were arrested).”
- “Someday you’ll have children, too, and then you’ll know.”
- “Speaking of children, you’re not getting any younger.”
It’s a hoot!
10: Be patient.
Effective SEO takes time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know.
And set up a friendly 404 page, for crying out loud.
Love you.
Mom.
P.S. can you stop by later? My Facebook on my phone is doing this weird thing – and I can’t figure out how to save a picture into my email.
