In an effort to appease both of our readers, who have made their divergent views readily apparent on Facebook, MySpace and Owdy, as well as to eliminate workplace conflict, we are instituting a new bathroom policy at the WTFSEO offices, effective immediately.
Starting today, we will no longer provide bathroom access. It is our firm belief that all WTFSEO employees — men, women and children, whether S, G, L, B, T, Q, A, H, X, Y, Z, or LMNOP — and regardless of what sex they identify with — should be working while we are on the clock and not pooping.
The latter, of course, can be done on personal time — or, depending on your beliefs, at the Target on the corner or the Hobby Lobby around the block (ideally in their restrooms). Although we strongly encourage employees who do not identify as straight and male — and particularly those who consider themselves unmarried women — to choose Target.
Furthermore, we strive to cultivate a conflict-free environment at WTFSEO. And as the Editor-in-Chief, it is my job to not only guide our editorial vision, but to also ensure all employees feel welcome and supported, which is why I have elected to simply eliminate bathrooms. I am confident we are embracing a model that will soon be widespread throughout corporate America, given the clear advantages to all parties.
Plus, think about all the team-building we’ll be able to do now with office pools, about who can hold it the longest, etc. I, myself, am particularly excited to see what the future brings in this new bathroom-less* era at WTFSEO.
*for those employees with less than standard bladder capacity, we’ll be providing sponsored catheters… Ad revenue is ad revenue…