Top Eleven Things your SEO did while on Ambien

As Roeseanne demonstrated, Ambien may be wonderful for helping people with sleep disorders, but it might have some side effects and unfortunately, SEOs are not immune to its influence.
Our crack investigative team scoured social media sites and found the examples listed below without even needing to verify their accuracy.  In reverse order:

11. Added @methode and @johnmu to the private SEO facebook group.

You know the one. Whoops.

10. Removed the robots.txt file out of Artificial Intelligence paranoia.

Convinced that Artificial Intelligence will soon be our new overlords, an in-house SEO from London did not wish to take any chances of inviting a robot to crawl into this realm. Therefore he removed the file altogether.

9. Cited a WTFSEO study in a search marketing conference presentation

Under a tight deadline to deliver the final deck, a freelance SEO from the midwest cited our 2017 Ranking Factor Study to use on a panel for a recent advanced search conference. Needless to say, we’re extremely honored and she made a wise choice in her reference material.

8. Convinced a naive client to sign up for Page Rank monitoring services

A sleep deprived Sr. SEO specialist (who was recently promoted) for a boutique agency came up with an enhanced service offering that monitored the client’s Page Rank for a $500 per month fee.  So far one client, a Fortune 500 B2B Enterprise client, has signed up for it. They need an SEO metric to report on for their daily stand up meetings so this seemed like a good deal.

7. Broke a perfectly good computer monitor out of sheer frustration when he couldn’t get Web Position Gold to return rankings.

This longtime SEO had a flashback to 2006. Good times….

6. Shared a post on Google+ …. about the importance (from an SEO perspective) of sharing posts on Google +

You may be tempted to laugh, but it was, in fact, the top post of the day on Google+.

5. Dared the CEO to start googling generic keyword phrases 

This dedicated SEO typically experiences nervous Sunday evenings because that’s always when the CEO seems to start “googling” for terms he believes the company should be ranking highly for and then he sends her a flood of emails wanting to know why it isn’t the case. When 10 pm Sunday rolled around with no CEO emails, she sent him an email daring him to start “googling”.

4. Informed a prospect with a brand spanking new website who called in asking about SEO services that the agency would be happy to turn on SEO services for them.

Because….why not? What the hell…. It was easy to close a deal for once.

3. Ignored calendar meeting requests from colleagues while on vacation

This extremely dedicated SEO works for a large agency and can’t seem to take time off without being expected to accept meeting invites from colleagues and clients (in spite of him notifying them that he is in fact, on vacation). Thanks to Ambien, he had something to blame for ignoring the requests.

2. Gave a presentation to the Executive team informing them of they would be abandoning all efforts around Google and instead focus on Duck Duck Go optimization 

Like all SEO’s, this in-house loved to hate on Google and dreamed of the day when Duck Duck Go would dominate. Ambien convinced her that the day had indeed arrived so she went all in on a presentation to the C-level team.

1. Wore Google Glass out in public 

This agency executive was early explorer and while on Ambien, he still couldn’t sleep so decided to go out a Biker Bar and he wore his Google Glass thinking that it would help him with ladies who rode Harleys..

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.