Surprise! WTFSEO is closing on Black Friday. Yes, on November 27, we’ll be closing our virtual office and telling our employees to stay home and sign out of WordPress for the last time.
Are you appalled? Shocked? Stunned? Perplexed? Are you crazy yet?
Here’s Why We’re Closing On Black Friday For The First Time Ever
It’s all about publicity.
For more than a year, our staff has been dedicated to one thing and one thing only: being the bleeding edge SEO and inbound digital marketing news site that growth hacks the dissemination of industry buzzwords through a series of paradigm shifting synergistic blog posts and interpretive dance videos.
We believe sporadically publishing here on WTFSEO makes every SEO’s life improve by 5.2 percent, year-over-year.
And truthfully? Black Friday is the optimal time to make headlines for being a different kind of brand.
A brand that isn’t afraid to say, we’re just like REI! Hey, write stories about us, too, and how different and daring we are!
Another proud tradition of Black Friday is that it’s one of the worst days of the year for page views. Everybody is out shopping instead of reading our posts. #BlackFridayPageviewsMatter.
That’s why we here at WTFSEO are making the bold choice to protest Black Friday by not publishing any new stories. We’ll also be donating any advertising revenue to a worthy cause – and at WTFSEO, let’s just say charity begins at home!
So, while the rest of the world’s frenzied consumers are risking life and limbs to pay for slightly discounted products, we’ll be spending our day a little bit differently. We’re choosing to Ops out, and we want you to join us.
You see, on November 6, “Call of Duty: Black Ops III” is gonna drop for Xbox One.
Rather than living in the dark and twisted SEO world, WTFSEOrs are going to live in a dark and twisted future of 2060. Guns, blowing sh!t up, zombies~! Need I type more?
Now, we had planned to bid farewell to our readers, families, and friends on Nov. 6 on the day the video game is released, but between sponsoring Pubcon’s Epic Dinner, our personal bar tabs at recent conferences, and also sponsoring the space junk that’s hurtling toward Earth, well, our budget is tighter than a nun’s … knees.
Anyway, you can learn more about our movement at opsout.wtfseo.com (coming soon, maybe, probably not though). Be sure to share your favorite Black Friday photos with us using the hashtag #OpsOut. You can also not post about this over on owdy
But that’s not all.
Feel Our Authenticity … It’s So Meaty!
On Thanksgiving, aka Black Friday Eve, we’re telling our overworked and underpaid crew to also take the day off and overdose on grass fed turducken as we all pause to celebrate genocide [ is this a reference to the Lions annual Thanksgiving day game? -editor ] and remind ourselves once again that communism is a really bad idea.
For us, encouraging people to overeat, drink profusely, and play video games is maybe one of the most authentic things we can do. It’s important for us, as a brand, to always be true to who we are. Or so our agency tells us.
Editor’s Note: Just to clarify: WTFSEO will put on our robes and wizard hats to resume operations as usual on Cyber Monday, assuming we aren’t still playing “Black Ops”. WTFSEO isn’t closing forever. The only reason we said our underlings will “sign out of WordPress for the last time” was because it’ll be a cold day in hell before they get another paid (or unpaid) holiday from me!